Gum and a Classy Lady

I was driving to a job interview. I was skipping (driving) along my merry way and was very pleased with the parking job I did in the parking lot of the business. "Kudos," thinks Arielle.

One thing you have to know about me is that I carry gum everywhere. I don't carry a purse or lipgloss or a phone or I.D. I carry gum. I was chewing a piece in the car, but didn't want to have it slopping around in my mouth during the interview, so I pulled a Violet Beauregarde and stuck my gum to the steering wheel. (I wasn't about to stick it behind my ear, I have class!)

Here was my thought process:

- I don't have much gum at home, so this piece is precious.

- I'll want gum right after my interview.

- I may as well have this gum!

- If you brush away the visible dust from the steering wheel, the germs won't exist.

- Gum hardens so it'll be easy to pick off the wheel.

I went in for the job interview where at one point, instead of saying, "Sorry, I was just controlling my nerves." I said, "Sorry, I was just controlling my nerds."

(Me, controlling my nerds)

I then returned to the car and to my lovely piece of gum. YEAH ONLY GUESS WHAT? Gum gets melty in the hot sun, as it would turn out. So I plucked it up from the steering wheel, expecting it to easily lift. Instead, it stretched with half still stuck to the wheel, and the other half now stuck to my pointer finger and thumb. In a moment of slight disgust and panic, I used the pointer finger and thumb of my left hand to remove the tacky mess from my right hand. That did not exactly work at all. Now the gum was spread from my left pointer finger to my left thumb to my right thumb to my right pointer finger to the steering wheel.

It was at this point that I attempted to gnaw my way through the gum. This resulted in a gummy mustache. I can only imagine what people in the parking lot thought of me, this hunched over, sticky mess of a lady, stuck in a web of gum.

The story ended with me successfully getting a majority of the gum in my mouth (yuck, I know), and rolling the rest of the gum from my fingers and chin and the steering wheel and then wiping it on my pants. I then drove home while bobbing my head to the radio and pretending I know how to rap.

Professional woman.

By the way, I got the job.